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Vol. 2 07 / 2001 |
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Some problems common
to remarried families
by Nguyen Viet Duc
Common concern of remarried
families, they must systemically deal with complex kinship network, defined
goal, develop pattern of interaction that assist them in being cohesive, and
reach consensual goals.
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Entering new relationship: Each partner recovers from loss of previous
marriage. Now, they enter a new
relationship with re-marriage, and deal with the complexity and ambiguity.
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Conceptualizing and planning new
marriage and family: Each partner
accepts one’s own fear, needs time to adjusts complexity and ambiguity. They need to accept their fears and to
living with it to adjusting it.
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Reconstruction family: Acceptance of all different model of family
with permeable boundaries.
1. Dealing with the death of a parent
One out of every two adults died
before age 50 before the 20th century. Not more than a third of the population had a single marriage
last more than 10 years. Fifth percent
of the time, children lost a parent before reaching maturity. The fundamental uncertainty of life was much
harder for families to void. Many women
died when gave childbirth or accidents, which took the lives of men. Forming a remarried family after his death
of a spouse is not easy although death is denied or covered up in many
families.
2. Dealing with the divorce of a couple
Nearly
66% of all first marriages may end in divorce or separation. There are a number of factors that have an
impact on marriage. Two thirds of
divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, with the median duration of
marriages being 7 years.
Causes of a divorce: All household family members after newlyweds
are adjusting to each other as after the first of a child, when the family
becomes unsettled and stressful. These
figures are more a reflection of later marriages than increased marriage /
family stability. In fact,
approximately two thirds of divorced women and three fourths of divorced man
marry again. By the year 2000 the
stepfamily will be the predominant family structure in the United States.
Compared to Whites,
African-American couples are more likely to separate and stay separated longer
before obtaining a divorce. They are
also less likely to remarry once separated.
A greater percentage of African-American children 75% will experience by
age 16 the divorce or separation of their parents, in contrast to White
children 40%. Boys are particularly
impacted in a negative way when their non-custodial fathers fail to maintain
contact with them. As a group they
become less competent and exhibit more behavioral problems than do children in
their types of family arrangements.
After remarried family parent will face and patiently solve this
difficulty.
3. Loss of an important member
One
of the problems needing resolution in a remarried family is the loss of an
important member of the former family.
For example, even though a non-custodial parent may be physically absent
from a household, such a person may retain a tremendous impact both directly
and indirectly, on the remaining family members. When difficulties arise concerning feelings about these
individuals, these persons are usually unavailable. The result is a ripple effect throughout the family. One individual’s unresolved personal issues
related to loss affect all members of family.
4. Establishment of a hierarchy
The
establishment of a hierarchy is a significant trouble for remarried
families. Children may lose status to a
change in their ordinal position in the family. They may become the middle children instead of the oldest and in
the process lose leadership roles and privileges. They involved do not particularly like their new stepsiblings or
stepparents. Newly formed remarried
families with children are vulnerable to disruption and volatile outbreaks
involving emotional, if not physical, struggle. Take time to working out relationship among children of remarried
families.
5.
Boundary difficulties
Often
stepfamily members characterize their relationships as chaotic. They are unsure of who and what is involved
in making their lives adaptable. Most
remarried families need time, flexibility, and commitment to resolve issues
around the confusion in boundaries.
Sexuality between unrelated siblings or parents and siblings is the
tremendous unsolved problems.
According
to McGoldrick and Carter (1988, PP 406-407) boundary difficulties include the
following issues:
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Membership: Who are the
real members of the family?
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Space: What space is
mine? Where do I really belong?
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Authority: Who is really
in charge? Of discipline? Of money? Of
decision?
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Time: Who gets how much
of my time and how much do I get of theirs?
6.
Resolving feelings
In
some remarried families, especially those in which members have been in denial,
there are unresolved emotions. These
emotions include guilt, loyalty, and anger.
The suppression of these emotions is unresolved feelings.
7.
Economic problems
Many
remarried families have expenses, such as child support or the cost of
maintaining two residences, that other families do not have. This puts additional stress on each family
member. Their money may be stretched
thinner.
Summary and Conclusion
The
major problem for many members of remarried families is dealing with the loss
of their lovers. Secondly, establishing
a workable family hierarchy is another problematic area. Boundary difficulties are also endemic to
remarried families. Financial and
economic concerns increase for most remarried families the difficulties.
The
etiology, prevalence, treatment and prevention of family violence such as:
Child physical, sexual and emotional abuse; courtship violence and date rape;
partner abuse, battered women and batterers; and elder abuse. These are the most concerns of family
therapists.
Families
today are changing in response to shifts in the broader environment: Dual career couples, single-parent families,
racially mixed families, now represent the nom rather than exception. The social changes, which will be impacted
on family relationships and family functioning.
The
family therapists makes use of the developmental approach to studying families
in order to present a clear, up-to-date account of the changes in families from
the time they are formed until they are dissolved. Particular emphasis is given to the influence of social contexts
on patterns of family interaction over time; and the family is a social context
within which individual members develop.