Vol.  11  10/ 2002

                                                  2nd year edition

Editor-in-chief:  Ñoã Hoaøng Nghóa    phutavanthu@yahoo.com  or  nthihoang@aol.com

 

WE LEARN,

        WE SHARE . . . . .

 

Assumptions About Conflict

 

 

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Conflict is inevitable and predictable

 

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Typically, each person involved in a conflict believes they are  “right”  and

that  the other person  is  “ wrong”.

 

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Conflict often is resolvable.  The steps are simple, but not easy.  However,

some conflicts may never be resolved.

 

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Our attitude, life experiences, and values strongly affect our approach to handling conflict situations.

 

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We can only control and change our behaviors, reactions, and responses in conflict situations; we cannot control or change the other person.

 

 

 

 

Conflict Basics

 

Definition

 

Conflict is the situation which arises when two or more people or groups with mutually inconsistent (or perceived mutually inconsitent) goals, values, needs, perspective, etc., disagree or engage in antagonistic, oppositional, and/or non-cooperative behaviors.

 

 

Types of Conflict

 

Positive / Creative                                                Negative / Destructive

 

In positive conflict, individuals with differing points of view, style, values, etc. show mutual respect for each others’ thoughts and feelings.  Consequently, they develop effective solutions.  They communicate openly and assert themselves to achieve positive results.

 

 

Conflict is positive when it:

 

§         Produces positive change and creative problem solving.

 

§         Promotes unity of purpose, new clarity, and understanding.

 

 

§         Improves people’s ability to deal with stress.

 

 

 

 

 

In negative conflict, individuals view each other as adversaries.  They are more concerned about their own needs and less, if at all, concerned about the needs of others.  They often take conflict over ideas or goals personally, are reactive, and do not try to elicit the true thoughts and feelings of others.

 

Conflict is negative when it:

 

  • Create non-cooperative behaviors, suspicion, and mistrust.

 

  • Results in decreased efficiency and effectiveness.

 

 

  • Stays stagnant or worsens rather than improving over times.

 

Triangulation

 

Triangulation occurs when experiencing conflict or difficult relations with another person, we try to pull others into the dynamic.  For example, person “A” is in conflict with person “B” and they try to get the attention, support or collusion of person “C”, rather than dealing directly with each other.

 

AB

 

Triangulation can be harmful to work groups because it diminishes trust and interferes with people’s ability to problem solve and work through conflict.  Examples of triangulation include gossiping, spreading negative rumors, and scapegoating individuals.

 

 

Beware – people helping others to resolve conflict are particularly vulnerable to being pulled in a triangle.  This can happen in session with disputants as well as during one-on-one interactions with them.  As long as you are serving in the third party neutral role, you need to avoid triangulation.

 

VVD Magazine

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